We're all falling.

AUTUMN- Rainer Marie Rilke

The leaves are falling, falling as if from far up,
as if orchards were dying high in space.
Each leaf falls as if it were motioning "no."

And tonight the heavy earth is falling
away from all other stars in the loneliness.

We're all falling. This hand here is falling.
And look at the other one. It's in them all.

And yet there is Someone, whose hands
infinitely calm, holding up all this falling.

I was a child when I declared autumn as my least favorite season. This was probably because I knew it was time to start school again, and being a bit introverted, this filled me with dread. One of the best things about being an adult is that I no longer have an autumn obligation to face the teachers, the work, the worry and the social cliques. I now enjoy the appearance of fall, and my mind opens to the perfection of the world.

Do you ever notice how nature puts on a grand final performance before the signs of autumn emerge? The sun shines brilliantly, the trees wear their finest green, and the sky!…the sky is that blue that you picture when you are trying to calm your mind.

Suddenly you see that first red leaf, and you think, Already? But I cannot let go of summer yet!

Then it happens…you surrender, as September fades into October and the days sometimes remain hot and relentless. You find yourself ready. As this is happening you notice that entire tree has surrendered to that one red leaf, and is also ready to become a fiery beauty. And then it is time to let go, to let those fluttery gems of nature fall.

This is how a spiritual life cycles. We go through this once or many times. For a lot of people it is a result of a big change, such as an illness or death. For some it is that small feeling that something is just missing from our lives. We seek and sob and get down on our knees for ALL of the answers, and we come up empty handed. Then we notice that tender part inside of us that has begun to surrender. The part that is a little sore and soft, but has found rest and no longer seeks answers. We breathe, we give ourselves over and no longer want to attempt that false feeling of control.

There is even a time when we are ready for the deafening silence of a winter morning covered in snow. After many months of this, we become ready for the appearance of life, of resurrection. This fills us with so much joy and anticipation for the long days of summer and activity. Of course, before we know it, we are letting go again, falling and surrendering.

Anticipation, rejoicing, surrender. This is it. This is life, and whether you are a spiritual person or not, you are caught in this current of perfection.

My eyes are open now. Autumn is no longer about scheduling, and school and reluctantly dusting off my family’s coats.

It is about the SEEING and the finding of the “Someone, whose hands
infinitely calm, holding up all this falling.”