For my 15-month-old

Fifteen months today already!
Actually, this is going to be less about you and more about the people that you have as parents.

You have probably realized that we have fallen head-over-heals for you. Yeah, you definitely know how to work this by now. I was explaining to your father that it has taken me all of these 15 months to get to know you and to feel comfortable with being your mother. A mother, I suppose. Before that, I was always thinking, "Who is this child that is waking me in the middle of the night?" or "There is this kid in the back seat of my car who now has to accompany me into every store, gas station, bank and restroom?"
Now we are a pair, and if I am somewhere without you, yes, I do feel free and relieved. But it fades into that dull ache right between my neck and stomach when I realize that we have been apart for more than 30 seconds.
The love that a parent feels for a child is a blessing, but it is almost not fair as well. We are stuck with it, and I can't help but wonder what that dull ache will become when you go away at age 18. You are going to go away at age 18, right?

You also probably know that you have your father completely wrapped around your finger. I am second now in his book, this is for sure. You have his sense of humor and I notice that you look to him for all of the real fun, like pillow fights and giggly throws in the air. You look to me to fill your needs, if I am around. This is okay, I am happy to fill those needs, but you really didn't need to say "Da Da?" when I shuffled into your room at 6 am yesterday to get you out of bed. It felt good to reply loudly, "Yeah right! That will be the day! You can ask for Da Da when he lets me stay THERE with a cup of coffee at 6 am," as I stood at our bedroom door and pointed to the large lump in the bed.

I also know that you have caught onto the fact that you are our first child, our parental experiment. We are trying not to mess you up too badly with this one, but you also have to start learning to trust us. For the most part, we do know what is best for you. For example, the fact that we installed a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs does not mean your little universe is imploding. It simply means that we are too lazy to mop up a baby at the foot of our hardwood stairs.

I love your new words...papa (my father), bird, flower, hello, and the way you say ball by forming your mouth into a big O. Now I have one request for my official 15-month-old who I have been ignoring for the last 20 minutes by turning down the baby monitor: when I walk into your dim room and find you all tiny and rolly polly and happy to see me, could you look up and say "mama?"