Dear Michelle, Dear Karla,

What a week you two have had, huh? Michelle, you said goodbye to the matriarch of your family, the deepest root of relation that you know--your grandmother. Karla, you welcomed your second daughter into your family.

I have experienced both events like these in my personal life, and I can't help but think of the raw emotional roller coaster that you both are still riding. Strangely enough, you are both riding in the same car, and the fact that you are close friends is not the reason.

Death brings such sadness with the hole that it leaves in our everyday lives because of the inability to see the person that we loved and lost on this Earth. That feeling of helplessness, that surrender. The odd moments you find yourself laughing, the times you can't stop crying. It seems like a mess, but it is God's perfect mess. Michelle, you have told me of the time you have spent with your family in the past week, and how it has been filled with joking, with stories, with remembering...

Birth is a blessing that does not need to be disguised. A new life! A growing family! The end of a long pregnancy (wink)! However, as mothers, we experience a loss. We give up so much of ourselves to our children--our ability to rest, our sanity, our personal space (I have not peed alone in 2.5 years). I can only imagine that you are starting to feel like the juggling act cannot work, and you are starting to ask the questions, "Am I giving enough to my first daughter? Am I giving enough to my second daughter? Am I giving, giving, giving enough to anyone?" Ah. Motherhood. I remember by the end of week one I was lying in a pool of tears and breast milk wondering how it was going to possibly work. God's perfect mess again. I can only hope that your hindsight saves you and gives you the knowing that no stage lasts forever, and there is very little you can do wrong.

Every moment, even the hard ones, especially the hard ones, are a gift. God's mess.

Okay Michelle and Karla, it may not feel like the most fun roller coaster in the world, but you are on it next to each other. I am behind you, of course, my hands are on your shoulders. Your hands? Throw them up in the air and enjoy the ride the best you can.

Love,
Amy