I have never been particularly good at prayer. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I feel God is internal and not external. I do, however, see the usefulness of verbalizing gratitude and even a plea at times.
Right now, I really suck at prayer, and I have SO many friends and family that need it right now. IN UNIMAGINABLY LARGE WAYS. I am so paralyzed by the shit storm that all of these people seem to be living in, that I want to spend my whole day in prayer. Is this why people turn to things like rosaries and prayer beads? Should I? Because in the last few weeks, my prayer has been like this:
God, I thank you for the strength you have provided for me to see this day through. But...
FUCK!
Dammit!
FUCK!**
You know what?
Even with a prayer like that, I feel a gentle breath move through my spirit.
God smiles and must be used to those types of prayers.
Don't worry, I am off to buy a rosary or something.
**You will rarely ever hear me use these words. I think that it is a form of expression that is only useful when they are used when the rest of the lame English language fails us. This is one of those times. If I offended any readers, bear with me. I have been failed by the English language here, not by God. Never by God.
2 comments:
Can you add me to your prayer list ... I desperately want the job I interviewed for today. Maybe if enough people are in my corner, God will become annoyed and just give me the job! :)
And I'm sure God likes the short, but sweet prayers full of profanity. Who wouldn't?
Decades ago before Lon, our pastor in Virginia, believed in God, he bargained with God in a prayer. Lon said he would believe in and live for God if God would heal his dog from a severe case of the Mange (without using prescribed meds). Probably the worst wording ever for a prayer, but also one of the most sincere prayers... not about the dog, but about the genuine quest to know God and God's role in Lon's life. (You'd understand the sincerity if you heard his story...so amazing).
Anyway, Rosary, no Rosary, f-bomb, no f-bomb...I think it's the sincerity and honesty of your heart that matters, not the specific words you use.
"The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7b
So keep on giving whatever you have over to Him. Your heartfelt words will be heard. He will respond to you.
(Oh, and not that God always answers prayer with the answer we want, which is a total blessing, but the Mange was gone within the week!)
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