...like I want to be THIS microphone.
To show that I do have a thread, a tiny thread, of morality left: My husband looks similar to this certain lead singer. Minus the tattoos. And the ability to play a guitar that I bought him a few years ago. Hint, hint.
I thought this video was, you know, appropriate for the end of summer.
Dashboard Confessional--STOLEN (acoustic version)
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Poems that dim my confidence
I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for
may for once spring clear without my contriving.
may for once spring clear without my contriving.
If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.
Then in these swelling and ebbing currents, these deepening tides moving out, returning, I will sing you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels into the open sea.
streaming through widening channels into the open sea.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
from Book of Hours:Love Poems to God, translated by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy
But is it good? What I do that I want to flow from me like a river? Is it good? Is it God's kind of good? Lately I open my mouth to say something and then close it, what can possible come from my mouth that is without my contriving?...it almost does not feel right to speak anymore.
from Book of Hours:Love Poems to God, translated by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy
But is it good? What I do that I want to flow from me like a river? Is it good? Is it God's kind of good? Lately I open my mouth to say something and then close it, what can possible come from my mouth that is without my contriving?...it almost does not feel right to speak anymore.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Life is a Verb
I cannot remember how I stumbled on Patti Digh’s blog, 37 days, but can we really remember when or how we stumble on something important? We would like to think how we discovered the love of our lives, or how we really felt holding our first child, and how it feels to let go of the hands of the ones we love when they need it…but the truth is, that sort of remembering is like fabricating a fairy tale about our own lives. Many of us decide at a young age to construct a to-do-list for the next 70 years that goes something like this: college, job, marriage, kids, retirement, grand kids, security…
At any given part of this larger to-do-list, we have constructed smaller ones, lists that may look like this: pack lunches, grocery store, gym, work, call insurance agent, TIVO Survivor, feed cats.
I have never been much a of a list maker. In fact, list makers scare me, and I have never been sure why until I read the first pages of Patti’s book, Life is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally. She writes clearly about the importance of Marginalia, and not being afraid to inhabit the margins, for this is where you will truly find life—not in the lists and the plans and the prose of our day-to-day. Life is a Verb is clearly a very well planned piece of art, with beautiful quotes and photos right where they should be, and large, large margins. Patti hopes that her readers will hold a pen as they read and use those margins to make her quest for an intentional life their own. She writes:
“Marginalia is a way of carrying on a larger, broader conversation…I hope you will find yourself in the margins, between and beneath the words and perhaps if I have done my job, in them.”
In your mind, take a moment and scan your life so far. Are the moments that you remember in the plans that you made, in the to-do lists? No, they are in the margins. The chance meetings, the acceptance letters you never thought you would receive, the rejections you never thought you would feel, the goodbyes…
Patti encourages us to not be afraid of these margins, but underneath her words resides a truth…we have no choice. Our lives are already in the margins, inhaling and exhaling the unexpected. If we frame this truth correctly, we can see that this truth is a gift. In the short week that I have had the opportunity to hold Life is a Verb in my hands, I have learned how to frame my truths and see with new eyes. Again, I have no idea how I stumbled on Patti Digh, on 37 days, and Life is a Verb. I guess one day I gave it all over to Marginalia, and Marginalia gave back.
At any given part of this larger to-do-list, we have constructed smaller ones, lists that may look like this: pack lunches, grocery store, gym, work, call insurance agent, TIVO Survivor, feed cats.
I have never been much a of a list maker. In fact, list makers scare me, and I have never been sure why until I read the first pages of Patti’s book, Life is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally. She writes clearly about the importance of Marginalia, and not being afraid to inhabit the margins, for this is where you will truly find life—not in the lists and the plans and the prose of our day-to-day. Life is a Verb is clearly a very well planned piece of art, with beautiful quotes and photos right where they should be, and large, large margins. Patti hopes that her readers will hold a pen as they read and use those margins to make her quest for an intentional life their own. She writes:
“Marginalia is a way of carrying on a larger, broader conversation…I hope you will find yourself in the margins, between and beneath the words and perhaps if I have done my job, in them.”
In your mind, take a moment and scan your life so far. Are the moments that you remember in the plans that you made, in the to-do lists? No, they are in the margins. The chance meetings, the acceptance letters you never thought you would receive, the rejections you never thought you would feel, the goodbyes…
Patti encourages us to not be afraid of these margins, but underneath her words resides a truth…we have no choice. Our lives are already in the margins, inhaling and exhaling the unexpected. If we frame this truth correctly, we can see that this truth is a gift. In the short week that I have had the opportunity to hold Life is a Verb in my hands, I have learned how to frame my truths and see with new eyes. Again, I have no idea how I stumbled on Patti Digh, on 37 days, and Life is a Verb. I guess one day I gave it all over to Marginalia, and Marginalia gave back.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Dear Dan,
I know that you are working your tail off in Michigan right now, but missing us terribly. Especially since this has been an odd week, with 4 days of no power at our house and all the frustrations that have come because of that darkness...the hour drive to daycare, having to live with my parents while they were watching Sophia's cousins while THEIR parents are probably sitting around Italy in togas, drinking wine, and having long conversations about Michelangelo, Sophia being bitch slapped by her cousin Ellie, me being bitch slapped by all the feelings that my parents seem to draw out of me when I am around them in their intolerant stage...however, now there is light in our house, thank goodness, but I am missing the light I feel when you are here.
Happy 7th Anniversary, by the way. We did get a good opportunity to celebrate this past weekend when you were here. On our actual anniversary, Monday, the power was already out, and you brought me Starbucks and Sophia a BIG DOUGHNUT, and you have no idea what a gift that was. Thank you.
I just need to fill you in on a realization that struck me tonight. Somehow you, a chronic cynic, and me, a chronic melancholy, have given life to a child of pure joy. Tonight we spent a good half hour running at each other and falling on the floor in fits of giggles. But we missed you. And we will miss you tomorrow. We went outside for a while because she wanted to hug the car. Hug the car? I can't open the garage, by the way...any suggestions?
On my way home to check to see if the power was on I drove through Baskin Robins to get Sophia a grilled cheese and a chocolate milkshake, because I was almost sure that everything in our refrigerator was growing something that you studied in Microbiology 101. During Sophia's nap, I finished that milkshake because I rationalized that I deserved it. When she woke up, it was the first thing she asked for, and I was all, "no, it is all gone, remember? You drank it."
Lies, lies, lies. She looked me up and down, and I swear she noticed my bloated, lactose-intolerant belly, because she talked about that milkshake all day.
Tonight, as we were reading books, my lactose-intolerance made itself apparent, shall we say?...and our daughter got up, brought me a diaper and asked if I needed her to change me. She is on to me, that one. Lesson learned: Don't steal her milkshake.
Anyway, we would have had a good laugh. I can't wait to see you so I can share some more of that laughter with our tiny goddess of joy.
We Love you.
Happy 7th Anniversary, by the way. We did get a good opportunity to celebrate this past weekend when you were here. On our actual anniversary, Monday, the power was already out, and you brought me Starbucks and Sophia a BIG DOUGHNUT, and you have no idea what a gift that was. Thank you.
I just need to fill you in on a realization that struck me tonight. Somehow you, a chronic cynic, and me, a chronic melancholy, have given life to a child of pure joy. Tonight we spent a good half hour running at each other and falling on the floor in fits of giggles. But we missed you. And we will miss you tomorrow. We went outside for a while because she wanted to hug the car. Hug the car? I can't open the garage, by the way...any suggestions?
On my way home to check to see if the power was on I drove through Baskin Robins to get Sophia a grilled cheese and a chocolate milkshake, because I was almost sure that everything in our refrigerator was growing something that you studied in Microbiology 101. During Sophia's nap, I finished that milkshake because I rationalized that I deserved it. When she woke up, it was the first thing she asked for, and I was all, "no, it is all gone, remember? You drank it."
Lies, lies, lies. She looked me up and down, and I swear she noticed my bloated, lactose-intolerant belly, because she talked about that milkshake all day.
Tonight, as we were reading books, my lactose-intolerance made itself apparent, shall we say?...and our daughter got up, brought me a diaper and asked if I needed her to change me. She is on to me, that one. Lesson learned: Don't steal her milkshake.
Anyway, we would have had a good laugh. I can't wait to see you so I can share some more of that laughter with our tiny goddess of joy.
We Love you.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Civic Duty
Is not voting a failure of civic duty?
I would talk civic duty as soon as the media talks about how they fail in their duty to me. To speak an unbiased truth.
I would talk civic duty as soon as a candidate does not spend money that could be putting food in hungry mouths on advertising devoted to slander and lies, which dishonors the constitution that gives me the right to vote.
Jesus, St. Francis and others who were seers of the truth told us to transcend and not give energy to the system. I could devote a whole blog to quoting them on this subject.
A description from Richard Rohr from his book A Hope Against Darkness:
"Thus, both Jesus and Francis had no pragmatic agenda for social reform. They moved outside the system of illusion, more ignoring it than fighting it and quite simply, doing it better. They knew, again, that: the best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better."
Civic duty in its highest form is not getting distracted by the game. Politics will never solve poverty, the root of all hell that we face in this country. Government policy will never solve poverty. My focus with this is clear, and no, this year, I choose to not be distracted. I have something better in mind and soul.
I would talk civic duty as soon as the media talks about how they fail in their duty to me. To speak an unbiased truth.
I would talk civic duty as soon as a candidate does not spend money that could be putting food in hungry mouths on advertising devoted to slander and lies, which dishonors the constitution that gives me the right to vote.
Jesus, St. Francis and others who were seers of the truth told us to transcend and not give energy to the system. I could devote a whole blog to quoting them on this subject.
A description from Richard Rohr from his book A Hope Against Darkness:
"Thus, both Jesus and Francis had no pragmatic agenda for social reform. They moved outside the system of illusion, more ignoring it than fighting it and quite simply, doing it better. They knew, again, that: the best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better."
Civic duty in its highest form is not getting distracted by the game. Politics will never solve poverty, the root of all hell that we face in this country. Government policy will never solve poverty. My focus with this is clear, and no, this year, I choose to not be distracted. I have something better in mind and soul.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Wake me when it is over
The election.
I have been meaning to post how this patriotic event has affected my thinking and my living over the last few months, but I just cannot seem to find the words.
I have been old enough to vote for over a decade, but I never have made it to the poll booth. Yeah, you are right...I am uneducated, lazy, the weather is usually bad, complacent and a bad American. Throw your mud in my comment section. Most people are walking around with their teeth dripping with political propaganda, waiting to take a bite out of every thought that contradicts their opinions. I have heard it all. I have tried to defend my inaction. It no longer hurts me. I cannot quite connect with the people who think I am all of those things, but do not understand and feel how I am and have been over the last 12 years.
Disappointed.
I have been meaning to post how this patriotic event has affected my thinking and my living over the last few months, but I just cannot seem to find the words.
I have been old enough to vote for over a decade, but I never have made it to the poll booth. Yeah, you are right...I am uneducated, lazy, the weather is usually bad, complacent and a bad American. Throw your mud in my comment section. Most people are walking around with their teeth dripping with political propaganda, waiting to take a bite out of every thought that contradicts their opinions. I have heard it all. I have tried to defend my inaction. It no longer hurts me. I cannot quite connect with the people who think I am all of those things, but do not understand and feel how I am and have been over the last 12 years.
Disappointed.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
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