23 Months

Dear Sophia,

I missed the very day you turned 23 months because I was in between a trip for business and a trip for pleasure. I am not really sure what to say about 23 months because the last month has been fun and so full of developments, yet I am filled with mixed feelings because next month you will turn two. This just seems like too soon for me, as I will have to stop buying "infant" everything, like Motrin, and search for the shelves for things that say "Children's." I know, this is hardly the point where I leave you at some university and cry for a month, but still...

I have to talk about my trip for pleasure because it made me realize a couple of big hopes that I have for you. I traveled to the shore of North Carolina for a wedding of a friend, Jessica, with my two friends Kathy and Cindy. We managed to stay in a condo right on the beach, which brings me to my first hope: That you will be able to have the opportunity to wake up to the sound of the shore. Nothing is more grounding than seeing the sun appear over a black ocean and watching the whole thing turn slowly to blue.

Second, I hope that you will find friends that you will be able to run your mouth with. You will learn that as soon as you learn to string words together in sentences that actually make sense, you will have to choose your words in order to fit into some social order that does not make you seem like you should be placed in a mental institution. I hope you find friends that don't care about this social order. From the moment I met Cindy and Kathy at the airport, we fell into a constant stream-of-consciousness chatter that did not end until we hugged goodbye at the airport two days later. For some reason, when we are around each other, we feel the need to talk about, comment on, and recap everything. This is important. This takes you out of your own head and allows you to just be. This helps you laugh. May you learn that these friends are the most precious.

I am glad that you spent the weekend with your father and had a great time, but I felt lost only having to care for myself. I realized that no matter how often I longingly think back to having "me" as my only concern, there is no way to go back. There is a part of me, most of me, that I have already given to you. It is yours to keep, and I don't want it back, because you have transformed this part of me into the person that I want to be.

Twenty three months and already changing lives. That's my girl.

Love,
Mom